Dear Cooper and Finn

6th January 2019 Dear Cooper and Finn, One thing I wasn't really prepared for is how hard it is to do things with you. Obviously I knew I wouldn't be going to fancy restaurants and bars, and I knew that just getting out the house would be hard because of all the things we'd have to do to get ready. But I didn't think about precisely how many individual tasks would be involved, and how uniquely challenging each one would be, and what it would feel like to do every single one of those tasks twice, for two uniquely challenging individuals. I wrote a little guide to going to the park today, just so I could remember it.
How to take the kids to the park:

1. Wrestle them into coats and hats, put them somewhere safe, and put on your coat 2. Open front door, go back for pushchair and carry it through the hall, taking care not to gouge holes in the walls or whack the kids round the head as you go 3. Run down steps with pushchair and erect it 4. Go back for one child, reassuring the other one that you're not leaving them alone forever 5. Carry first child down steps and put in pushchair 6. Repeat for child two

7. Go back and lock door

8. Realise you've forgotten your phone/water/changing bag/soul 9. WHY DID YOU PUT YOUR COAT ON YOU’RE ON FIRE 10. It's actually pretty dark now 11. Go to bed?

Dear Cooper and Finn

30th December 2018 Dear Cooper and Finn, We've been at home in Weardale for a few days now, and it's been lovely. We had Christmas Day number 2 with gran Jan and grandad George on Friday, and we all wore paper Christmas hats and watched you wipe food around your mouths before throwing it on the floor. Then you opened your presents - some great ones, like the musical instruments and the toy cars- and some not quite so great ones, like the whale shape sorter and an assortment of other odd gifts from the £5 shop that looked like bargains on the surface, but once opened revealed fundamental design flaws. Like the fake Tamagotchi I got from Penrith market when I was twelve, which died on day 7 every time, no matter what. Then on Sunday we had our third Christmas Day of the year with grandma Hazel and granda Geoff, and aunty Gemma, uncle Alan, and cousin Freya. We had the full works all over again, and it was chaos in the best way, because we were all so grateful to have ach other there. It was also pretty stressful - you can be grateful for something and get annoyed by it at the same time. That's just life. X X X

Dear Cooper and Finn

25th December 2018 Dear Cooper and Finn, It's here, your first Christmas! We all wore our festive jumpers, and by some Christmas miracle, all the baubles on the tree remained intact. We had a quiet day, but it was most definitely not chilled. No day ever is now you two are here. Although we really missed seeing family and friends, it felt really nice not to spend the day driving round and visiting everyone, never really able to relax because we're always thinking about where we need to be next. We gave you a ride-on tiger and ladybird, a telephone with eyes on wheels, and a dancing robot called Beatbo. Then we popped round to our neighbours’

house for a couple of glasses of prosecco and left once you'd knocked one over each. Dinner was at about 4pm, after your second nap of the day. We had roast turkey, pigs in blankets, mashed potato, roast potato, cauliflower cheese, mashed turnip, carrots, broccoli, stuffing balls, mint sauce, and lingonberry jam. We thought you'd eaten loods but then we found it all under the table afterwards. Then we watched Arthur Christmas, put you in the bath and to bed, and your dad and I flopped on the sofa, wondering where the day had gone and why we were so tired. xxx

Dear Cooper and Finn

24th December 2018 Dear Cooper and Finn, It's Christmas Eve! One of my favourite days of the year. I think I like it even more than Christmas Day. For me it's a day without pressure. A day of quiet anticipation before the big day. A day of looking forward to something, which is an incredibly enjoyable experience in itself. I haven't worked on Christmas Eve for a few years now, but I have done many times. First at the chip shop in Frosterley. Then at the Centre for Life in Newcastle where someone once told me I'd ruined Christmas for his 8-year-old daughter because we had to tell people who tried to join the queue when we were close to closing that they wouldn't be able to go ice skating. And one year when I was working from home at mam and dad's house as a People's Champion for innocent smoothies, an angry customer phoned me at 4.03pm and demanded that I trudge to the postbox through the snow to post her some smoothie vouchers. But not today, thankfully. I'm just sitting at home, enjoying the day with you and your dad, thinking about what to watch and eat next. If I was seventeen again again, I'd be getting ready to go out down Crook tonight, wearing a dress and no coat even in the snow. I’d jump around and shout along to All I want for Christmas is you, have a few Taboo and lemonades, and get chips, cheese and garlic sauce before click-clacking across the cobbles in my silver satin kitten heels across the cobbles to dad's car. (Thanks dad.) xxx

Dear Cooper and Finn

17th December 2018 Dear Cooper and Finn, I'm so excited for Christmas now. It'll be the first time we've ever spent Christmas Day at home, just the four of us, and I can't wait to start our own traditions. And by that I mean force you to do all the things I want to do and eat the things I want to eat, and if you try to resist say "but it's Christmas” with sad eyes. I used to love it when we got the Christmas food in the house. Food we never had at any other time of the year. There’d be a twelve-pack of Pepsi, a pretzel snack tray, Bombay mix, Shloer, honey roasted cashews, Twiglets, satsumas, mince pies, Celebrations, After Eights, and Chocolate Orange. I'd wake up to a pillowcase of presents from Santa, then we’d take it in turns to open the presents from under the tree, then dad and I would stuff our faces with chocolate and Twiglets and mince pies as mam repeatedly told us to stop eating because we'd spoil our our dinner (she was right). We'd watch Carols from Kings, The Snowman, and the Top of the Pops Christmas special, and I'd record the best films on the brand new videotapes dad's friend Sandy always bought me. I hope you love Christmas Day as much as I do. X X X

Dear Cooper and Finn

Dear Cooper and Finn

3rd December 2018
Dear Cooper and Finn,

While we were queving at the post office today I saw a box full of leather effect pocket diaries on the counter. And it made me a bit sad that they probably won’t sell many. That one day no one will buy them anymore and they’ll stop making them. They were just like my gran used to buy and my mam still buys now. Whenever I tell her what dates we’ll be visiting she writes them straight down in there so she knows not to make any appointments at the same time, because she wants to see us as much as possible. I don’t want her to ever not do that. X X

Dear Cooper and Finn

Dear Cooper and Finn

14th November 2018

Dear Cooper and Finn,
I thought nothing could beat your perfect gummy toothless smiles but now you’ve both got two perfect little stumpy teeth right in the middle of your mouth at the top, and another two at the bottom directly below them, and it’s the best thing I ' ve ever seen. X X X